when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
