I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
