She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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