Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
