I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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