he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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