Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
