Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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