I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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