I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
