He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
