She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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