Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
