I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are my feet made of real feet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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