Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
