We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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