My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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