I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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