You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
