Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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