Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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