You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
