remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
