I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
