somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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