then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
