In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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