Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
