Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
