you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
