i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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