My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
