Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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