Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
