Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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