The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
