Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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