epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
