i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
