he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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