There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
