Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
