lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
