Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
