I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
