Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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