Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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