took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
