How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
