He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My feet surprised me
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