apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
