Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
