ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
