with your own penis?
Got a toothbrush?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
