I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
