It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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