Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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