so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
