I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
