Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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