I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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