The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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