I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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