conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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