My first STD was from a foam party
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
