Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
